Now Playing Tracks

superlockedphan:

heckacentipede:

zombiesandporn:

cathilia-crimson:

checkzeattic:

menthol-drops-and-angel-wings:

levi4thans:

PEOPLE DIED 

102 YEARS AGO

THEY’RE ALL SKELETONS FIGHTING IN THE UNDERWATER SKELETON WAR NOW

CHILL

I’m sure they are very chill right now.

You might even say they’re…

ICE COLD.

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT 

This post is a train wreck

are you sure its not a
ship wreck

(Source: blazepress)

hermionemollycharliepond:

just-raowolf:

edenwolfie:

my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking breathe

We had to do this and I was partnered with a boy whose parents are a scientist and a doctor. My family spawned the book: Top Drawer Villain - autobiography of a London criminal.

First of all, we had to choose where we would shop. He wanted to buy from Booths. “We are not buying from Booths," I snapped. "Get on Asda’s website right now." His face froze.

A-Asda?" he whispered. "But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.

This was a good start.

We then had to decide on a menu. We started on breakfast. “Toast," he said.

Toast," I said. "Great. Look, Asda has its own wholemeal—

Warburton’s thick-slice white bread. Nothing else. With olive oil.

You WHAT?" I choked. "You have olive oil, on your toast, in the morning?

He frowned. “Who doesn’t?

Okay," I said, "but what will the children eat?

He gaped at me. “The children? We have children?

We continued. All was well until it came to what we would have on our sandwiches. We even sorted out the children’s lunch - they, of course, would get free school meals. “Yes," he agreed; "if we can’t even afford Bertolli then they can get school meals on the government.

He asked what dressing we should have on our ham. “Nuh-uh," I said. "Can’t have ham. I’m vegetarian.

But I’m not.

Yes, but we’re married and we can only afford one sandwich filler so it has to be vege—

We’re married!?

Of course we’re married! You’re devout Christian - how do you think I convinced you to have children?

He shook his head, frowning. “Well I want ham. You’ll have to put back the washing powder - I need ham on my sandwiches.

We continued. Finally, it was dinner. “Okay," he said, clearly thinking hard; "for dinner, we can have… Chicken nuggets and… Beans?

Vegetarian.

Vegetarian nuggets then. And beans.

We need vegetables. The children have to have a balanced diet.

You and your children!" he yelled, and the whole class looked around.

They’re your children too!" I screamed back.

He leapt to his feet, shaking his head and looking distraught. “I don’t believe it - I don’t believe you! I wouldn’t have your children!

Please," I cried, standing up also. "Don’t—

I want a divorce!

And he walked out of the classroom.

The teacher stood up and stared between me and the door through which he had vanished. “I’m sorry," I whispered, "but we couldn’t do it any more. There were just too many differences - I can’t live with someone who thinks champagne is a budget.

I can’t wait to see this guy when he gets to university.

READ THE WHOLE THING

conversation at work

  • i work at a halloween haunted house park

  • Guy who works in a haunted house:

    The best part about working in the haunted house is when girls go under the black-light.

  • Me:

    Yeah? Why's that?

  • Guy:

    If they're wearing a white bra, you can see it glow! Haha like why would you wear a white bra to this place?

  • Me:

    uh

  • Me:

    i dont get it

  • Guy:

    you can see their bras. Its funny.

  • Me:

    did you not know girls wear bras? Did you not know girl's have breasts?

  • Some girl walking past:

    What? We have... Hold on *looks down shirt* WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

  • some other boy:

    HOLY SHIT what the FUCK is under your SHIRT?

  • girl:

    I DONT KNOw? BREASTS APPARENTLY??

  • other boy:

    *SCREAMING*

  • girl:

    *SCREAMING*

  • me:

    *SCREAMING*

  • first boy:

    uh fine whatever fine i get it jesus christ

what I expect from the musical episode

  • Dean:

    where the hell are we

  • Sam:

    I don't know man but it's weird...I'm gonna go check it out

  • Dean:

    ok good 'cause while we're here Im gonna need a drink

  • Sam:

    *leaves Dean alone at bar*

  • Dean:

    *takes a swig of beer*

  • Dean:

  • Dean:

    ...maybe I should try calling Ca-

  • Dean:

    ITS A QUARTER AFTER ONE IM ALL ALONE AND I NEED YOU NOWW

  • Dean:

    what the hell?!- I SAID I WOULDNT CALL BUT IVE- what? no wait- LOST ALL CONTROL AND I NEED YOU NOWWWW- Cas!!-

  • Cas:

    *poofs into room* Dean, what is it?

  • Dean:

    Cas i- WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE ISS *clamps hand over mouth*

  • Cas:

    ??...Dean-

  • Dean:

    I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME

  • Cas:

    Dean? I don't understand.. *steps closer and reaches out to touch shoulder*

  • Cas:

    what's going on-- *freezes on contact, eyes wide*

  • Dean:

    Cas what's wron-

  • Cas:

    *forcefully grabs Dean's collar and pulls him close*

  • Dean:

    Cas what the-!

  • Cas:

    I GOT CHILLS THEYRE MULTIPLYING

  • Dean:

    -SAM HELP!

We make Tumblr themes